I have 13 year’s experience as a counsellor working with a wide range of issues, and have specialist training in sex and pornography addiction.

If you’re concerned about your sexual behavior, pornography usage (or combination) then you might be further along the path of recovery than you think.  Even beginning to acknowledge that you may have a problem is a massive step, because many people stay in denial.  Sometimes it’s a crisis like the loss of a job or relationship that brings people to seek help.

An addiction is said to be an ‘out of control’ relationship with a behavior or chemical.  You might spend a lot of time thinking about it when not using, and, there is most likely been a long-standing pattern of repetitively engaging with it, despite harmful consequences to your life.  You’ve probably tried to stop before, but not been able to stay reliably stopped.  If you’re usage has escalated, you’ll have been left needing more to have the desired ‘high’ effect.  Oftentimes, after using, there are strong feelings of guilt, shame and regret.

Because sex and pornography addiction are particularly shame bound, it makes it hard for people to seek help and support from friends or professionals.

How can counselling help?

Increased tolerance often results in users going deeper into their drug or behavior of choice maintain the high, and this can result in high levels of shame and self-loathing.  Often, being able to speak with someone without fear of judgement can offer some Immediate relief.

We can look at the impact of behaviors on your relationships and other areas of life, helping you can decide what to do.  Counselling can help you understand how addiction is sustained, and offer some tools to strengthen recovery.

I’m an Integrative Counsellor, which means that I can draw on a number of theories and tools that can inform and shape how we work together.  However, in my experience one very important factor is the quality of the therapeutic relationship.  This means that the relationship feels safe for you to express how you feel, be understood and feel valued without judgement.  Sex and pornography addictions are often entrenched in shame.  Shame is an incredibly painful and destructive feeling that thrives in secrecy and fear of judgement.  However, in the presence of empathy and understanding it looses its power.  Shame is thought to be a powerful ingredient in addiction, so it is important that we create the right environment to work with it.

I can only work with adults, people over the age of 18.

If you are accessing illegal material or harming other people then we are unable to work together and the law requires me to report it. In this case you should consider speaking to someone on the Stopitnow Helpline (0808 1000 900) who can offer you assistance.

To help decide if we can work together, offer a free, 20 minute telephone call to check this out, without obligation.   I offer counselling on Fridays, in the East Belfast area.  Email me on stuartkirkcounselling@outlook.com to set this up.